|Count Dracula is truly The Cat From Hell. But he is loved and adored. After losing Handsome, I was intent on getting a cat that resembled him and placed an ad in the computer classifieds. The ad was answered by New Yorkers for Companion Animals (NYCA) who said they had the cat I was looking for.
I learned that an elderly woman was put in a nursing home and that her landlord had thrown her cats onto the street. To make matters worse, neighbors reported that all of her cats went unfed and were abused due to her senility. NYCA was able to locate and rescue most of the cats. One of them was a large male tuxedo.
"Yes, he was a huge, rugged, long-haired male tuxedo" they assured me. They named him Richard the Lionhearted and his photo was online. He was exactly what I was looking for. When I asked why his eyes were narrow slits I was told it was a bad photo. A day later he was delivered to my office. I peeked into the cardboard carrier and was overjoyed. He sure was big and regal.. and he had silky, long fur.
Left the office early and took him home in a taxi. As soon as we arrived home, I removed him from the carrier. That is when the growling began. Before I had a chance to wonder why he was growling, his fangs were embedded in my arm. He still bites and growls constantly and his eyes are still narrowed slits much of the time. Why? Because he is one angry cat. Count Dracula (as I named him) does not want to be cuddled hence the growling and biting.
Years Later: Although his eyes are still often two angry slits he has become my constant companion. He is forever at my side purring away like mad and he follows me from room to room so that I am never out of his sight. But if I try to pick him up or do something that he doesn't like such as combing knots from his long fur he reverts to day one. His eyes narrow even more, and then he sinks his fangs into me for the kill... all the while growling like there is no tomorrow.
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Hello folks. My Name Is Dracula And I Am No Ordinary Cat. |
I do more than eat Friskies and use the litter box. I can even speak like you humans do! And, as you can see, I can write too. I am the one who makes things happen around here, and it was I who found Ebay for her. You say that's impossible? You don't believe me? Then read on to find out why and how I did this:
For months I sat by my human's side day and night watching her make phone calls wasting time searching for this and that: A painter to paint our apartment, an old oak school desk, buyers to buy the antiques she no longer wanted... you get the picture. But my human was not more frustrated than I was. You see, the more time she spent searching for things in newspapers and on the phone the less time she had to feed me treats. So I took matters into my own paws and devised a plan. It was a piece of cake. Here's how my human found Ebay:
While my she was out I made several telephone calls to people in the know for advice; David Letterman, Obama, Oprah. You get the picture. They all recommended Ebay as the solution to the problem and gave me the url. Like I said, it was a piece of cake. My human is not aware of this, but I am an expert on the computer. Each night while she is asleep I sign on and spend hours at Google. Of course, like clockwork, I sign off at 6:00AM and snuggle up next to her as though I was in bed all night.
Anyway, one night after she is fast asleep I turn the computer on and type in the URL I was given by Oprah, which brings me to this place called Ebay. And what do I see? Everything from soup to nuts! No mice. But everything from soup to nuts! Painters, pet supplies, all kinds of antiques and goodies for sale, and even someone selling the exact oak school desk that she has been searching for! I'm one smart cat and it didn't take me long to decide that this was the solution to the problem. I left the computer on with Ebay on the monitor.
So she gets up the next morning, sits down at the computer, and looks puzzled. She says to me, "Hey, Dracula, I must have left the computer on last night. What is this ebay page all about and how did it get here?"
She still praises Ebay daily. However, she is still unable to figure out why Ebay was on her monitor that morning.
Very truly yours,
P.S. I wasn't named Dracula for nothing! I know that she has a thing for tall-dark-handsome men but if she finds any of those on Ebay she had better stay away from them! I don't like competition and I will sink my fangs into anyone who comes around here bearing flowers or chocolates.
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