Hey! Will someone please get this crazy mouse off the stage! I'm Tophat, the comedian. They hired me to tell some jokes, but I'll save the jokes for later. Right now I want to introduce your hostess for the Kitty Personals. Forget Carson!   Forget Leno! ................................................................. H e r e ' s   B e l l a !

Welcome to Kings Highway Cat Rescue, (*smile*)... and thank you for attending our gala event! I am Bella, your hostess. I'll begin by telling you a little bit about our home here. After that we'll see a candlelight tribute to Momma, and then we'll go on to the "Kitty Personals." Oh, dear. There's a mouse on stage! Maybe if we ignore him he'll go away. Is everyone seated? Good. Then, let's begin.

We are all lucky to be here. Life on the street was hard for each of us, but through the grace of god and some caring people who rescued us from starvation and danger, we all found a safe haven at Kings Highway Cat Rescue. Now we have tasty food to eat and our bellies are always full. Danger no longer lurks around each corner. We are safe from the hands of abusers, monster vehicles, and those frosty white bone-chilling polkadots that fell from the skies and covered the ground. Yet memories of the days we endured surrounded by danger and starving on the streets will never fade. Over the years, many of us were fortunate enough to find real homes. On the other paw, old age has caught up with Momma and she has just passed through the rainbow.

Momma never found a real home. She never got that second chance. You see, although she was a long-haired beauty with soulful eyes brimming with wisdom and gentleness, no one wanted a senior cat. Momma was found starving in the streets at the age of about 14. She spent the remainder of her life at KHCR without ever finding a forever home. She was a gentle, affectionate, overfriendly cat, and although she received shelter and food and kind words from the volunteers, she longed for a family of her own. Yet time and again when people came in to adopt she was overlooked because of her age. Momma was about 19 when she went to Rainbow Bridge. We will always miss her and can only hope that she has found many mice and many pleasures on the other side.

Looks like everyone is just about ready now, so let's begin the personals with Miss Kitty. Oh! Wait! Listen to this! The pretty red-haired lady who visited and played with me last week is back. She's at the desk with Baby Tuti... and she's filling out adoption papers! I'm so happy for Baby Tuti! Ok, folks. No more blabbering. So many have waited so long. So now, without further ado, I present to you "The Kings Highway Cat Rescue "Kitty Personals"

"Dainty black and white one-eyed female seeks home without dogs."	Hi... I'm Miss Kitty, and I'm proud that they selected "me" to open the Kitty Personals. This was me 2 months after I escaped from a pit bull ring where I was used as bait for the bad dogs. The dogs slashed my throat open from end to end, but I escaped by climbing a nearby fence. While making my get-a-way I got caught on the barbed wire and was attached to the fence by my eye and throat. A kind lady saw that I was in trouble. She went home, got some tools, and cut me loose from the fence. She took me, along with the big piece of barbed wire fence that was attached to my throat and eye, to KHCR. I thought I was gonna faint from the pain cuz it hurt so bad. My eye is gone and it took $4,000 and months of infections and pain for my throat to get better... but I made it! Six months have passed. Though I'm still a bit frightened, I want to put my past behind me and find a new home.    Angel of Mercy Guardian, mine Appeared at my side In the nick of time
"Ruggedly handsome male, white as a snowflake, needs human who will love and cherish him forever."	Hello... I'm Otis. I'm named after the elevator company. My humans moved and left me behind. I have always been a very good cat and it hurt me to know that they didn't want me anymore. Each time they loaded the elevator with their stuff I tried to get in but they kept pushing me out. Finally, on my last attempt to follow them, the elevator door closed on my leg and crushed it. They saw that I was hurt, but they left for forever without helping me. A neighbor heard me crying and called KHCR. The accident left me with a limp. I sure hope this won't stop anyone from wanting me cuz even though I am not purr-fect I am a good cat. I need someone who will give me lots of hugs.
"Sexy silver tabby seeks home filled with music."	I'm Roseanne... a chunky but sexy 12 year old silver tabby. Although I've been around the block a few times, there's still lots of steam in my engine. We'll skip the hard luck stories. I've encountered too many. I adore music and love to sing. What I'd like to do now is entertain you with my favorite Rod Stewart song cuz it describes me so well: If you want my body.... and you think I'm sexy.... come on sugar let me know....
" Although I no longer live here, Bella said I could come back to bring you a message"	I'm Faith... I was adopted last week while rehearsing for the Kitty Personals, but I asked my humans to bring me back for a few minutes so that I could go onstage in front of the red curtain to bring you a message. I only lived at Kings Highway Cat Rescue for 2 weeks. It doesn't surprise me that I was adopted so quickly. You see, humans always want the babies. While I'm thrilled to have a new home, I worry about the ones I left behind. My message is... "While kittens are cute, there is no greater reward than the reward earned by giving a bit of love and a last chance to an old, forlorn animal whose days are numbered. Please adopt an older or disabled cat. They are the ones that linger in the shelters because no-one wants them."
"Little orange kitty seeks home with anyone that will have her."	Hello... I'm Tansy. When I got sick 'n my ear hurt I cried a lot. My humans got annoyed so they dumped me into the streets. Cuz there was no-one to care for my ear infection till it was too late, I was left with a head tilt. If I don't keep my head tilted to the side I get very dizzy and the world spins. I may look lopsided but my heart is full of love. Please give *me* a home. I am well behaved and I don't take up a lot of room.     A warm lap in which to take a nap... and some Friskies in my bowl to crunch, when I'm ready to have lunch.
"Don't mess with me when my ears are down!"	The name is Brut. I am rough and tough and can usually find stuff to be angry about. Do you believe this? They made me pose in front of a red curtain! What do they think I am? A girl??? Know what they wanted me to say for my caption? I won't even tell ya. Bella warned me to be nice but I just gotta say it the way it is: "Don't mess with me when my ears are down." With my rugged good looks I get whatever I want. What I want now is a home with someone who will accept me as I am. By the way, I am a tomcat in every sense of the word and adore beautiful women.   "Hello, sugar. Wanna dance?"
"Jewish non-religious feline seeks home with at least one good cook. Kosher food preferred."	I'm Sady... and today's my birthday. I'm an orange tabby with vivid green eyes and a beautiful coat. Age? It's only a state of mind so I took a few candles off the cake. My human went somewhere in the sky and they said she's never coming back to get me. She used to cook delicious dinners for me every night. I especially enjoy chicken soup and matzoh balls and seek a home with another good cook. Oh, I also like roast beef and noodle pudding. No TV dinners for me, please!    Happy birthday to meeee...
"Svelte Cher look-alike with heart-stopping good looks seeks home with lots of mirrors."	Mirror, mirror, on the wall...Who's the fairest of them all? Me! My name is Jet. I may not be a lap cat but you'll be proud to have me as I am so extraordinarily beautiful. My favorite hobby is looking in mirrors. I am a sensuous cat with a glossy black coat, piercing yellow eyes, and a tail that looks like a licorice stick. All in all, I'm really something to write home about. I can add a lot to your decor, but I can also be your best friend.    "Heard you all the way from the land of Oz! I'LL show YOU who's the "fairest of them all" - my pretty.  cackle...cackle"
"Sweet tabby needs kind human who can induce her to leave da only home she's ever known."	My name is Fanny. I remember it well. I was 8 weeks old and crying in da street with my dead brother at my side. Someone beat him up till he was killed 'n den dey beat me up and broke my jaw. It hurt so much. Da rescuers found me and took me to da doctor 'n den I got better. My body is still scarred and my mouth doesn't close all the way. Since I am a very compliant cat I agreed to be in da personals, but I am really not so sure dat I wanna leave here cuz dis is the only home I have ever known 'n I'm ascared to leave here. I mean, I'd like my own home. It's just dat I'm ascared.    Please understand da house is grand, trees and flowers on da land. But if dat stairway I should climb, will you keep me till da end of time?
"Handsome, dashing, debonair white male seeks home full of love and laughter with human of any color."	I'm Yukon... an agreeable 4 year old white handsome male with a very long tail who is a bit on the pudgy side. Consider it. There's more of me to love. My humans dumped me into the streets like yesterday's garbage. Thank goodness I was found and brought here. If you choose *me* I promise to love, honor and sometimes obey you. Despite my past I am ready and eager to extend a paw and open my heart to love again. I am a jolly cat and seek a home full of games, love and laughter.  Let the games begin!
"Adorable male with great sense of humor seeks funny lady for great times. Sour-pusses need not apply."	Hi... my name is Meat-ball. I'm a 2 year old cutie who is sometimes as silly as a clown. I was told to behave today so that I can find a good home. If you pick *me* I promise to keep you laughing with my crazy antics. Like lots of my friends here I, too, have had a sad past. But that's all behind me and I don't wanna dwell on it. I'd rather be happy. Wanna hear a good joke? Uh oh, Bella's telling me to be quiet. Should I bribe her with some flowers?
"Amber tabby with eyes of gold seeks home with boxes."	Greetings....I'm Pickles The night was bright and clear and filled with stars, but I was one of the vast army of homeless animals who wandered the streets starving and chilled to the bone, until a pair of kind hands picked me up and brought me here. Like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz once said, "There is no place like home." My dream is to once again have a home. A home with those boxes: An ice box filled with food and a TV box filled with mouse cartoons.   Mousies!#@! Gotta get those mousies into the ice box!
"Gorgeous brunet with hauntingly beautiful eyes of gold seeks a home to call her very own."	Hi there... I'm Amaretto. I'm a gorgeous 3 year old with expressive eyes and exotic good looks. You'd never guess it by looking at me but I am quite shy. Need a warm and secure environment so that I can show you what a love I can be. I like all the cats here but my bestest friend is Meat-ball. I'd miss him a lot but I really wanna find a home again. I'm keeping my paws crossed. Maybe someone will choose*me* today.     PRE-SENT-ING........the ONE and ONLY... A M A R ET T O !
"Delightful dame with dark past desires a safe home with da good people who will not hurt her."	Hi... I'm Tar-Baby. When I lived in da street some bad kids covered me with tar from a construction site 'n den dey wrapped me in wire and pressed me into da ground to dry. Da good people in the street helped me. Dey hadda scrape me off the ground with a shovel 'n den dey took me home and cleaned me. I was very sick dat night. Da good angel musta been watching over me cuz I didn't die. But den da good people put me in the street again. I don't want to go in da street again. Maybe I should stay here.   Angel of light  Shining so bright   Watched over me   All through dat night
"Pretty feline who is a daydreamer at heart, wishes to relocate. I'm willing to travel to the end of the earth to escape Bella."	Hello, world ... I'm Magnolia. I'm not in a very good mood cuz Bella stole my breakfast again. I tell ya. One day that cat's stomach is going to burst and that suits me just fine! Yesterday she shoved Meat-ball away from his dish, and then she devoured Sady's food. Ya think she's fat? Huh? You should see her from behind. She doesn't even fit on that bench they bought for her! Been daydreaming about getting away from Bella for a long time, and I'd go to the end of the earth to do that! It doesn't take a lot to please me. A humble home and a human with a good heart is all I ask for. Maybe *I'll* get lucky today. In case you want to know, I am one year old.     Just flew in from Red-Devil's page. Someone in here call me for directions? The end of the earth is that-a-way and down!
"Street-wise tabby with fire in his veins and courage in his heart...who is rugged, fearless and strong...seeks fragile female to love and protect forever."	Hi... My name is Pat, but some call me Fearless. I've seen lots of bad times since I was born 3 years ago. However, being the private cat that I am, I'm not gonna share my war stories with the world. My rugged good looks will charm your soul. I'm a tiger tabby with a tiger's heart and not much scares me. Not even big dogs, and not even Brut. Should you choose *me*, my mission in life will be to protect you from suitors with bad intentions and nasty mice.
"Good natured gingerbread tabby with girlish good looks and no gimmicks, seeks kind-hearted granny type."	I'm Ginger... an affectionate gem of a cat who likes griddle cakes and green jello. I use to wish for gold and all that glittered. Now, as I embark upon the autumn of my life, all I seek is a quiet home with a senior citizen who will love me and make me the center of her universe. Treat me right and I will make you purr.  C'mere, kitty-poo.....
"Upstanding member of the cat community who never even committed the crime of stalking birds seeks human to get him out of prison."	Hello ... I'm Sharkey. I'm a 7 year old tabby with nice markings and expressive almond shaped eyes. They named me Sharkey cuz every time they tried to put me back in the pen I would bite like a shark. I wish they would get locked in the pen 'n then they would see that it's no fun. But I got used to it now so I don't bite anymore. Well, maybe I shouldn't complain cuz the pens are large and roomy. But let's face it. A pen is a prison 'n I want OUT cuz I never committed a crime. Ya never saw *my* mug on America's Most Wanted for stalking birds! Hmm...Gotta go. I smell a bird!

B e l l a ! Please leave the stage immediately and come over here. The people will wait. I need to see you now.

Holy whiskers! Just when I'm in the middle of hosting the personals Elaine is calling me... and she has a grooming brush in her hands! She's asking Diabella to fill in for me. Bet she's gonna pretty me up and try to force me to make a personal ad. We've been fighting for weeks because I refused to make one. I don't want any more rejection. I know I won't get adopted cuz I've been here all of my life, so what's the use. Gonna make this worthwhile and charm a snackaroo out of her while she's brushing me. Then "after" I eat the snack I'll tell her I'm not making any ad! This won't take long, folks. I'll give Diabella the spotlight. Save my place!

Hi, everyone. I'm Diabella. If you ignore that crazy mouse, maybe he'll go away. While Bella is busy with Elaine, I'll tell you about the shelter: KHCR is a no kill facility that has rescued and cared for cats since 1988. At any given time they house over 100 cats. Had my Red-Devil, Handsome and Tropicana not found their way here, they would not have surived on the streets much longer. Responsibility for the shelter's upkeep falls squarely on the shoulders of Elaine Avery, President and Wonder Woman Extraordinaire. Elaine does much of the rescuing/trapping. The shelter exists on tax deductible donations and small income gained through seasonal flea markets. I create flyers and write newspaper articles to gain public awareness and secure adoptions, create and sell jewelry at their flea markets, and clean a lot of ears. At this time KHCR can't pay the rent on the shelter premises and the cats are in danger of losing a roof over their head. In addition, there are many more neighborhood strays that can't be rescued right now because of lack of funds. There is also a huge never-ending tab at the vet that can't be met. We are urgently in need of help. KHCR has garnered numerous awards for their work with the cats. They are the recipient of the Unsung Hero's Award presented to them at the International Cat Show held in New York's Madison Square Garden. Well... here comes Bella. Wonder why she's back so soon. And why does she looks so excited?

LEAPIN LIZARDS, DIABELLA! ELAINE DIDN'T CALL ME AWAY TO PRETTY ME UP! I'M LEAVING!

THE ADOPTION PAPERS SAY "FAT BELLA"!!! THAT'S ME!! MY NAME IS ON THE ADOPTION PAPERS! THE LADY WITH THE RED HAIR CAME BACK FOR MEEEEEE!!! HOLY CROW..... I'M GONNA LIVE IN A REAL HOUSE AGAIN!! AND NO MORE OF ELAINE'S STINKING DIETS!

In just minutes I'll be starting a new life. Before leaving, I offer words of farewell to the friends I sadly leave behind. You will all remain in my heart and in my memories forever:

To my feline friends: I will miss each and every one of you, my dear friends. Yet I take solace in knowing that those of you who never find your very own home will always be safe right here. Don't be sad, Baby Tuti. You weren't chosen today but your time will soon come cuz most humans want the young ones.

To the volunteers: Without your hard work and dedication there would be no shelter. A special thanks to you, Diabella, for all the times that you shared your lunch with me. I'm gonna miss those purr-fectly divine tuna sandwiches.

To Elaine: Bet you're not gonna kiss me goodbye cuz on the surface you are one tough old bird. But I can see past that. Your kindness, hard work and generosity of spirit will never be forgotten. Despite the fact that you tried to put me on a diet several times, I owe ya big time.... and I love ya.

C'mon Bella...... that's enough. We're just going to have to find someone else to host the rest of the personals. And stop blabbering! It's time for you to go to your new home.

Wait a minute, Elaine. Gotta say something to our visitors in the audience:  Not all cats are as lucky as we are here at Kings Highway Cat Rescue. While all of you are attending the Kitty Personals, thousands of cats are being euthanized across the United States because no one wants them and there isn't enough money for shelters to care for them. Others are leading lives of quiet desperation on the streets. Please, people, adopt from a shelter and save a life.

And to you, my new human, I wanna say thank you for choosing me. I promise to be the purr-fect pet. All I ask in return is that you provide me with a very deep food bowl. Talkin' about *food*, I do hope that ya have a nice hearty dinner planned for me cuz my belly is grumbling. Let's see: a Big Mac---hold the onions, a couple of tacos, some Bumble Bee tuna, and some roast beef---rare, if you please. Hmmm.....so, Red, can ya fill that order on such short notice?

Wait a minute, Bella. Not so fast. Need to tell you something before you go. What do you want to tell me, Elaine? My thoughts, prayers, and purrs go with you.May god hold you in the palm of his hand.

8/07: Urgent... 3 Brooklyn cats face being put out on the streets...

These 3 cats were living the good life until their caretaker was killed in automobile accident. The driver was the caretaker's husband who was just put into jail for driving drunk and causing the accident. Their home will be renovated and sold in the near future. When the renovation begins, the cats will be put out on the street. Meanwhile, they are living in the house alone and unattended except for a neighbor who periodically feeds them. There were initially 7 cats in this home. KHCR was able to place 4. Due to the fact they lost their shelter and operate with only one fosterer who is overloaded, they are unable to take the remaining 3 cats into foster. The cats are located in Brooklyn, NY (Rockaway). For more information about them or to adopt, please either email me or call Elaine Avery, SENIOR... the president of KHCR... from Monday though Friday after 10:00 AM at: (718) 444-4575.

A message from Diabella...

Due to financial problems the shelter has been forced to close its doors. The rescue effort now functions with the aid of a fosterer and donations. However, because there is so little money and space, the number of cats rescued from the streets is now limited. Our neighborhood is over-run with strays and we get daily emails from locals with cat horror stories. The cats are in desperate need your help. Your donations, no matter how small, will make a difference. Our immediate goal is to get the vet bill under control and to have enough for the cat food and supplies needed daily. Once this is accomplished, we will be able to get more fosterers and rescue from the streets on a large scale like we once did. We are near the water and the winters here are very unforgiving. I've seen many a stray frozen to death from the elements. So many live out their short miserable lives in desperation on the cold harsh streets without ever having known the comfort of a full belly or a human hand. Please consider helping these poor souls. This is our Petfinder contact, Emma DeRosa. She was also our main fosterer for many years until she relocated. If you fell in love with one of the cats in "The Kitty Personals" please know that cat has most likely been adopted... but remember that loving and needy kitties arrive here all too often. We have pictures of some of the current cats that are up for adoption on our Petfinder site. The cats posted there are just a few of the many cats that are in foster care at any given time. So If you don't see what you are looking for, please contact Emma through the Petfinder site. Each time a cat is adopted there is room to save another one. About Bella: Bella is happy in her new home. To date no-one has managed to put her on a diet.

How You Can Help:

Your tax deductible donations, no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated. Every cent will make a difference because every cent will help to feed and medically care for a stray. If you wish to donate, please make your check payable to Kings Highway Cat Rescue and contact me for mailing address. If you are in or near Brooklyn, please consider adopting. Each time a cat is adopted, there is room to rescue one more. Display the Kings Highway Cat Rescue banner on your website so that others can find us. Do not direct link. You will get a broken image. Save the banner to your hard drive, upload it to your server, and link it to the url shown below which is the url for the opening page of the Kitty Personals. http://diabellalovescats.com/kings.htm

Win the Kings Highway Caring Heart Award

This award is not limited to cat sites. It is for those who possess humanity, kindness, and caring hearts. If you'd like to win this award for your website click here to apply and Tophat and Marvin Mouse will visit your site and look around. Marvin Mouse is from our Free Cat Graphics Section. We've created an entire page of Marvin Mouse images. If you'd like to use any, his page is here. The Rainbow Bridge Angel is also from our Animation Section. Please be sure to read the terms and conditions before downloading anything. The images in our Graphics Section are ONLY for use on personal websites and it is necessary to show credit by displaying our Graphics Minibanner.

Ok, mouse! Let's make a deal: Here are 8 riddles. Answer 4 of them correctly, and I'll let you stay on stage.

1:   What is the best way to make your money grow? Everyone knows the answer to that one, you dumb cat! Put it under a magnifying glass!

2:   How do you keep a bull from charging? I would take away his charge cards! Hahahahaha!

3:   What did the moron do to the flea in his ear? He shot it! When are you gonna stop annoying me with these dumb questions?

4:   How much deeper would the ocean be if there were no sponges in it? You dumb cat! Do I look like the Einstein of the mouse world?

5:   Why are cows noisy? Because they have horns.

6:   What is the best way to prevent milk from turning sour? You dumb cat! Everyone knows that the only way to prevent milk from turning sour is to leave it in the cow!

7:   If a man was born in Greece, raised in Spain, came to America, and died in San Franciso, what is he? Dead, you silly cat! Like you will be if you don't stop annoying me with these stupid questions!

8:   Why doesn't glue stick inside of the bottle? Cat, I think you are brain damaged!

Well, mouse! You had your chance and you lost!... E l a i n e !!  Call the exterminator!

Wait!! ... Don't Go Away Yet!